Gossip Girls

I’ve been a girl for a long time, and one of the things that girls are really bad about, especially in middle school and high school, is gossiping. And having been a high school girl once myself, I doubt any of you reading this could honestly say that you’ve never hurt anyone with gossip or in turn that you’ve never been hurt yourself through gossip. I’ll never forget the time when I was hurt most by gossip, back in the 9^th grade. Very few times have I ever felt the pains of a knife through the heart, but this was most definitely one of those times. I was going through a really hard time with my family. My parents had been divorced for two years and my mom was beginning to date again, and along with that she wasn’t making what I would deem wise decisions (Don’t assume the worst when you read that…). It hurt me badly to see, and even more so, it embarrassed me so much that I kept everything to myself. I knew how the students would respond, and even worse were the parents at my high school. And yet one day I couldn’t hide it anymore when a friend spent the night. We talked about it at school the next week with one other girl, I told them not to tell anyone else, and yet literally by the next day I had a boy at school casually joking about my mom being a “whore.” After that, parents heard rumors---who knows what they heard---and all of my girlfriends but one were suddenly no longer allowed to spend the night at my mom’s house with me. Now believe me when I say, I’ve never encountered humiliation quite like this since, and I’ve had a LOT of embarrassing moments. But to throw up on a ride at Worlds of Fun doesn’t quite carry the same kind of shame with it that an entire school of people judging your family does. Yet again, I had to pay the price for my parents’ mistakes, and the very vessel that brought about such heartache (aside from my mom’s own mistakes) was none other than gossip.

I suppose I could look back on that time in my life and wish I didn’t have to go through it, but I’m honestly really glad I did, because I needed to be on the receiving end of gossip to learn how much words could really hurt. After all, I wasn’t innocent when it came to gossip. It wasn’t until after this that I began to learn how important it is to be a trustworthy friend, keep certain things to yourself, and use your words to encourage, not tear others down. And so, I write this hoping you learn the same lesson as well.

We’ve all heard the saying “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me,” and if you haven’t figured it out by now, let me help you out when I say this…it’s just not true. Words do hurt. A lot. Sometimes far more than a broken bone ever could. A broken bone doesn’t pierce the heart, or breed rejection, or devalue a person’s worth. Sticks and stones don’t often do that, but words do. And because words hold so much power is exactly why God has commanded us to use our words to encourage others rather than the opposite. Ephesians 4:29 says, ”Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

So remember this verse as you go through school on a day to day basis. Remember that you are an ambassador of Christ, a vessel of God’s love to the people around you. Do your words communicate that? Does what proceeds from your mouth build others up, affirm their worth, and speak the truth in love? Or are you just tearing others down, continuing the spread of gossip, betraying secrets, and treating others like they’re just not good enough to deserve kind words from you?

I certainly hope it’s not the latter, but perhaps it is, and if so, how do you go about changing your behavior? Well first, you ask for forgiveness from God and seek repentance. Ask God to change your heart and He most certainly will. Ask him to show you how to encourage, and He will. Ask Him for the strength to avoid gossip and to put a stop to it in your presence, and He will no doubt give it to you. And second, when you’re about to speak and are debating about whether or not what you are about to say can be considered gossip, ask yourselves these questions: Is this worth repeating? Would I want someone else to repeat this about me? Does this build this person up or destroy them? Am I repeating this out of spite or out of love? Do I know if this is even true? Do I know this person or even genuinely care about this person? Would what I am about to say hurt this person?

Once you’ve asked yourself these questions, it’s also good to consider approaching this person with the information that you’ve heard. After all, do you know if it’s true? Do they know what’s being said about them? And even more so, does someone who cares need to step into their life and say something out of concern? Now, there are some things that are spread around that are of great concern and that shouldn’t be kept to yourself, but this by no means that every other student in school should know about it. Talk of drinking, drugs, sex, depression, suicide, eating disorders, abuse, and all sorts of things that bring about nothing but harm need to be dealt with, not kept in secret. In this case, the best thing to do is to a)talk to the person themselves about it and b)tell a responsible adult who is able to find them help. Most people wouldn’t bother to take such measures, but as Christians, we are set apart to love both our friends and our enemies, and this is a wonderful way to show that love to someone who needs it.

Ladies, I hope you’re taking this to heart, because gossip is not from God and it certainly doesn’t honor Him. I’ve already seen gossip take its course here in our youth group, and the damage was evident. We can only thank God for bringing forgiveness and healing to the situation, because He most certainly worked in it. Though the world sees gossip as no big deal, the Bible doesn’t take it lightly. In fact, there are hundreds of verses about it. Don’t believe me? See what the Word has to say about the dangers of the tongue:

James 3: 3-12 “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Proverbs 15:4 “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

Proverbs 11:13 “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.”

Proverbs 16:28 “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”

1 Peter 3:8-12 “Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, 'Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.’

Proverbs 21:23 “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.”

And one last thing before I end this post. If you find yourself a victim of gossip, remember your worth. Remember that God created you to have worth and affirmed your worth on the cross. No one can take away the love that He has for you, nor can anyone take away the salvation that you have through faith in Christ. Words especially can’t take that away from you, so when you face trials such as this, ground yourself in the truth. Read God’s word and find out what it says about who God is and who you are in Him. But also take what is being said in humility and be honest with yourself about what is being said, because sometimes things are said because we’ve given people a reason to say them. That doesn’t make gossip okay, but it gives us a great opportunity to examine our own hearts and see the effect that our sin has on us as well as others. And don’t forget to speak such words of truth into the lives of friends or even enemies you know that have become the topic of conversation at school…they need to hear it just as much as you do. May God continue to lavish His grace upon you girls, and may he fill your mouths with wisdom and truth. Let us be women whose words bring life rather than death, whose words heal rather than destroy. This is my prayer for us. I love you all, and I’ll see you tomorrow!